Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
