John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
