They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Panties = found
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
