So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
