You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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