i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there's paper in my vomit.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
