i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
