I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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