Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
