Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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