Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
