When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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