youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
