I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
