I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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