five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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