i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
