I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
