He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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