sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
