I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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