I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
