theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
