i permit you to call me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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