i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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