Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
