Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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