You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
