i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
