the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
