I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
