i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
