Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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