You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
