Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
