I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
