he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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