You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
