i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
