so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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