But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
