The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
