the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
