Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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