I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
