it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
