I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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