ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
