oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
