Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
