I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
