If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need a beard to bite.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
