You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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