Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
