I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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