i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
