just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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