Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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